Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
