I'm going to jail i love you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
