I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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