I skipped work to stalk him.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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