you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
