yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
