The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
