TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
