Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
