Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
