it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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