Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
