i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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