I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
