Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
