I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
