perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
