who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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