it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
