Buhtt sex?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
