Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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