R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
