how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
