i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
