Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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