Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
