I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
