I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
