i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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