You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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