Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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