Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
