break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
