i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
