I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
