Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
