my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
