I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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