I am in a vortex of obligation.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
