So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
