There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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