It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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