My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
well most of my day revolves around power hour
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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