I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
