Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
