I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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