and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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