I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
there is glitter all over my balls
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