Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
