there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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